29.01.2008

Oh dear, I have just wasted an hour of my life watching Ladett to Lady on ITV 1. I am still surprised that people go so far to make themselves drunk and physically sick. Why do people do this? It isn't attractive, clever or natural to poison your self. It seems to me we have become a generation with low self esteem and self worth, and getting hammered is the only way to relieve this stress. I guess it's a bit like self harm. You know you will regret it in the morning, but anything to heal negative emotions is a turn on.

I have had a fantastic evening. My friend Nicola and I went to the Trafalgar pub in Greenwich after a lecture and caught up with each other. Spending time with friends is a way for me unwind and, depending on the company, to analise people and conversations around me. Tonight we heard a group of students talking about writing and the the art of characteristics in a family setting. Mmmm, very interesting indeed, but surely if you are a writer you also need to discuss every day situations and your life to come up with ideas for your writing. If there is one thing studying at University has taught me is that many people are incapable of thinking outside the box, and instead follow a structure or a routine that has been laid out in front of them. Students seem to be so bogged down with structure and "right" ways of writing that they forget what their craft is really all about; writing. Of course the technical side of things are important to enhance your work and in my spare time I study this, but outside of class I make an effort to live and experience things that contribute to my creativity.

So yes, study structure and theories, but make up your own mind what works for you, and for goodness sake get out there, talk to people and experience conversations and company that you have never indulged in before.

I was listening to an interview with a new, exiting up and coming band called Royworld on BBC Radio 2. Three of them studied music at Goldsmiths and said that the theory side of it was,although interesting, a block of creativity for them. Being taught structures in theory is helpful if you are stuck on a piece of composition, but too much is a block from experimentation. I agree with this, and also point this out when talking about writing structure. pick up your guitar, play the piano and experiment. You have nothing to lose.

My life with a cleft lip and palate.

This is a piece I have written for my journalism class at Uni. It is in relation to a previous blog called "fixed". I wanted to tell people what a cleft palate is and the treatment people go through to not only fix it but restore their face to how it would have looked without the condition. This is not completed and will need to be edited before I hand it in.

My life with a cleft lip and palate.

I was born in Farnborough Hospital with a cleft lip and palate. Because of all the long treatment I have had to tolerate with I feel I am almost as much as an expert on the subject as the professionals who have dealt with me. My parents didn’t know I had this condition, so when they saw me for the very first time my features we quite a shock to them.

A cleft lip is a separation between the upper lip and mouth. Sometimes there can be a split between one nostril (unilateral cleft) and both (bilateral cleft.). I was extremely lucky that I was only born with one split as this meant my treatment wasn’t as severe as if I had been born with both. A cleft palate is when the palate has not completely formed and is not joined together. This may occur at the back of the palate (soft palate) or all the way through both palates (soft palate and hard palate.) Once again I was extremely lucky to have been born with the least problematic condition. Some babies are also born with heart conditions.

About 1/600 babies are born with a cleft lip and palate. The condition is treatable and there is no reason why a child can’t have a childhood like other children, as long as their carers are supportive and playa positive role in the production of their self-esteem.

If left untreated it could cause social difficulties for a child, including educational loss and problems making friends. Luckily the NHS has the equipment and skilled surgeons to treat each child born with cleft lip and palate in the UK. My treatment was largely based at Guy’s Hospital in London. No one knows why some babies are born with cleft lip and palate. Sometimes the condition runs in families and sometimes it doesn’t. The most important thing to remember is that it is no ones fault. You are not to blame.

Being born and growing up with a deformity isn’t easy, as people can use this as an excuse to be a bully. Name calling was a huge problem for me at school, and this made me weary of those around me in all social issues. The most hurtful comment I received was whilst I was having dinner at my Secondary school. A very stupid boy in a year above me called me Bubba. He was a character in the film Forest Gump whose bottom lip stuck out far due to having “big gums.” I hated people commenting on the way I looked. As far as I am concerned it was no ones business and one day I wouldn’t have that intrusive lip, but reminding me of this didn’t take away the hurt I felt inside. Also, people (including adults) thought they had right to remind me every day that my lip stuck out. Walking past down the street or in the school corridor I would often see people pushing their lip out in a way to make fun of me.

When the new cleft unit opened at Guys Hospital I began to see the unit’s psychotherapist. I found her a great help, as I also suffered from General Anxiety Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It isn’t clear if dealing with the bullying and constant treatment was the course of my mental health problems, but I learned that research has showed that a higher percentage of children with harelip and cleft palate are more likely to than those who don’t.

Evaluation of a Third Kind

I wanted to put this piece of course work on my blog as it is a way of presenting myself to others without going to deep in to my personal life. This is an evaluation I wrote for for my Performance Writing class at Uni. I'm rather proud of this piece of work, and wrote it down whilst in a state of deep anxiety and depression. I like to look back at work I have written when like this. It gives me a sense of my own well being.

Self Evaluation

This is the first time I have ever performed stand up comedy, and quite

possibly my last. No, I’m only joking, I loved every second of it. Not the preparing for the performance though. I had to come up with some funny material to recite upon a huge Alice in Wonderland fantasy which I call a stage. My quest to find this material was difficult, but luckily I have been writing comedy for about a year now, so I already had some ideas and plans to coordinate the script.

I decided to write comedy for this terms assessment as I have become bored

performing depressing idealistic monologues. I really admire Allan Bennett and his

talent of structuring his own monologues, but I fell my writing abilities needed to be

expanded as I have done these before.

To come up with possible jokes I read many newspapers and researched the

culture scene in the UK. I didn’t realise how much research some comedians did for

their pieces! To engage the audience I used up to date news stories in my set; I

have even decided to subscribe to the famous magazine “Private Eye” to try and get

my creative juices flowing. I mainly used random thoughts that just popped in to my

head. I have no idea why I have this random, bizarre ability to think up nonsense, but

it’s a skill that came in great use for this assessment.

When I participated in the warm up exercises I felt extremely self conscious.

Why this was I’ll never know, but it’s strange how I feel so exited and enjoy

performing but dread and hate the warm up exercises with a passion. Maybe this is a

self esteem problem or I have such a stubborn personality I resent performing what

others ask me to do.

To enhance the strength of the subjects I spoke about I made links between

each subjects. This gave the over all performance a smooth feel which felt as though I

was telling a story rather than trying to be a fake character. On stage I try to be myself

as much as possible. My self character has transformed in to this egomaniac and

stubborn single woman. A typical 22 year old some might say.

Overall I feel my performance was a huge success if I may say so myself. On

stage I felt like I was in another dimension and that everything else in the world didn’t

matter until the piece was finished and everyone watching had absorbed every tiny

piece of information I was giving them. Sitting down and writing, be it for comic

purposes or for my online blog generates the same feelings. I also love being able to

make other people laugh with my material. A bit like a nurse is able to help someone

feel better, I can realize endorphins in someone brain with a simple line. There can’t

be anything wrong with that.

The last few months of this class have really taught me a lot about my abilities in writing as a

whole. I am able to come up with ideas easily, but I now need to keep improving the way I write

them down and structure my work.